The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
