I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
