mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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