I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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