I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
