I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
