I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
