I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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