i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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