New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
