so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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