i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
