im drinking this country out of the recession.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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