Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
