oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
