Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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