Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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