You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
