His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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