I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
