Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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