Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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