Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
