I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
you will always have a special place in my vag
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
