quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
