I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
