She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
