Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Porn is love you can see.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
