i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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