I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
