I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Ladies don't puke and tell
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
