I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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