Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
