I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
