I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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