I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
