I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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