Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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