He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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