she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
