is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My life is pants optional.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
