the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
