I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
