i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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