his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
