I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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