I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
