Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
