mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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