guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
