I wannas sexs uuuuu
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
